Hypocrisy

You smile while your jaw tightens. You nod in agreement while your stomach contracts. You say "of course" while something in you quietly whispers "no." After such encounters you're exhausted — without knowing why. Sometimes a dull pressure lingers behind your forehead. Sometimes a gnawing restlessness in your chest. Sometimes the feeling of no longer being able to feel yourself.

Hypocrisy is not a character flaw in the old sense, but a survival strategy that was learned at some point and then became second nature. Your outward face and your inner experience diverge — and in this gap a state arises that the body cannot carry for long without protest.