Borderline Personality Disorder

There is no middle ground. Either everything is light and you are in love with life — or everything is black, and you hate everything, yourself first. Between these two states there are often only minutes. A wrong word, a glance, a brief distance — and the ground disappears beneath you. Love turns to contempt. The person you loved just moments ago is suddenly an enemy.

At the same time, you feel an inner emptiness so absolute that you would give anything to fill it. Sometimes with closeness, sometimes with sex, drugs, food, work, sometimes with a cut to your own skin — because the physical pain is the only sensation that lets you feel you are even there at all. And then the fear of being abandoned. So immense that you push people away before they can leave. Or hold them so tightly they can no longer bear it. Both end the same way: you are alone again. And the black wave comes.